For the past week I’ve been mulling over writing a post about ‘Abuse and the Psychology of Addiction.’ Having studied some psychology at university years ago, and keeping up with a lot of the literature over the years, I could see clearly how the emotional attachment that forms between an abuser and his/her victim can be so intense and all-consuming. The same dynamics are at play when we are addicted to a substance – the cravings, not being able to live without our ‘hit’, the desperation and despair when we’re separated from our substance – it all feels the same way when you’re ‘in love with an abuser’ and the bond is actually established in the same manner. That is, through conditioning. It is maintained via a method that is well-known by psychologists, who agree that an emotional response formed by using this method, is incredibly hard to extinguish. The method is that of intermittent reinforcement. I will leave my ramblings there and allow my fellow blogger at ‘Avalanche of the soul’ to inform you in her own eloquent words.

Avalanche of the soul

Do you think you can’t leave your abusive partner? Do you feel hopeless when you return to a relationship filled with pain? Or, do you dwell on your toxic ex and struggle to stay away? Then you may be caught in a carefully crafted trauma bond – but you don’t need to be Houdini to escape.

Photo by Clearly Ambiguous Photo by Clearly Ambiguous

Traumatic bonding is a hit with abusers, because it helps him to maintain much-needed control. It helps him keep you where he wants you: tethered to him and his soul-destroying behaviour. But, the bond isn’t as iron-clad as he imagines. Here’s FIVE things he hopes you don’t know about traumatic-bonding, and how to shake off the shackles.

1. What is trauma bonding?

Traumatic-bonding is an intense attachment to your abuser. It happens when you feel emotionally and physically dependent upon a dominant partner – who dishes out abuse and rewards…

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