I currently struggle, as do a number of my fellow bloggers who write about the topic of abuse, with the desire to ‘come out’, so to speak.
One of the most important criteria for successful blogging is the creation of a very personal identity for readers to connect with and relate to. That means having a face and a name clearly positioned on the page. This is not an ego trip and I’m not chasing ‘numbers’, but I’m absolutely passionate about spreading awareness and reaching out to those who are still suffering from the long-standing effects of verbal and emotional abuse, as well as those who have escaped their abusive situation and are still drowning in a sea of confusion. I’m unable, at this point, to even share my writing with my facebook friends, because they will …quite simply…know who I am, and therefore, recognize my abuser. God forbid that he should be exposed. And so…one of the most effective means of spreading the word – social networking – is unable to be accessed. I can be sued, pure and simple, for telling the truth.
And so, I find myself silenced yet again; and am experiencing all the fury and frustration I went through while being silenced by my abuser. I am rendered voiceless. Unable to be heard; prevented from being me; stopped from being real about my own reality; repressed and suppressed; blocked from making a difference in people’s lives. Why?
Because of the law.
The laws surrounding libel and slander are murky at best, and strike fear into the hearts of writers the world over. The advent of the internet has opened this Pandora’s box even wider; so wide, in fact, that many of us are afraid to move the pen across the page, or our fingers across the keyboard, lest we offend those who have never experienced a moment’s qualm about offending us to the very core.
Where does it all end? In the too-hard basket, perhaps? That would definitely play into the hands of our abusers. So, what next?
I’m unsure…except that I’m determined to find a way around this particular obstacle…this thorn in my side…this potential arrow in the hands of my abuser. He will not ‘win’. Evil will not have its way.
“When bad men combine, the good must associate; else they will fall, one by one, an unpitied sacrifice in a contemptible struggle.” British politician, Sir Edmund Burke
“Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing.” British philosopher, John Stuart Mill.
This requires a courageous, collective effort. That is, TRUE JUSTICE requires a courageous, collective effort.
I’m considering including a strong disclaimer on my blog…and possibly for every post. That is, something that reads along the lines of: ‘All entries in this blog are the subjective view of the writer; my phenomenological experience; my personal opinion; my unique interpretation of events and people.’ Accompanied by my legal name and my photograph. I then propose sharing it publicly.
Your thoughts, fellow bloggers and followers?
Rebellious ScapeGoat said:
I would say not only law but abuse is kind of a taboo in society. People chose not to hear or afraid to know there’s another side of human. To share stories not really aim for revenge, but at least can raise the awareness …the more people share the more topic become natural ….like other topics which classified as taboos years ago, e.g. aids, sex or race. Less people will get help if it’s forbidden to talk about in society.
Miss Min said:
Your insights are spot-on, Rebellious ScapeGoat. Just yesterday, I spoke at length with a psychologist about this very issue. People are afraid to open up about emotional and psychological abuse for so many reasons. Firstly, we have no tangible proof of what we’re experiencing and are usually disbelieved in the first instance because covert abusers invariably present themselves as particularly fine human beings to the rest of the world. By the time we decide to speak out, many abusers have already convinced our family and friends that we’re unhinged and hysterical. But it’s the sense of misplaced shame that seems to be the biggest barrier. It is utterly inappropriate for a victim of abuse to feel this shame…and yet, we do. It becomes more deeply entrenched when we are disbelieved and has already been embedded deep into our psyches by the constant blaming and shaming of our abusers.
The world needs trail-blazers; bloggers like us who are willing to be candid in the quest to inform and help others as well as to heal our own wounds. The psychologist I spoke to, talked about the many men she sees in her practice who are going through horrific emotional abuse at the hands of their female partners. In the blog sphere, I’ve connected with an overwhelming number of woen and just a few men who share my experiences. For men, the shame goes even deeper I think…as well as the disbelief they must receive from friends, family and health professionals. The statistics show that far more women suffer from verbal and emotional abuse than men…but this is highly likely to be because of under-reporting. We need some men to come forward and become trail-blazers too and I encourage my male readers to tell their stories. Every human being, regardless of race, gender, sexual preference, religion or creed of living, has the right to be heard; and to be treated with dignity. Let’s smash through this taboo.
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Rebellious ScapeGoat said:
Thanks for your comments. totally agree many of your thoughts on this issue. Many of the times abusers earn more supports than victims. Victims tend to hide their storeis because they feel the shame and judge by others, who claim to be their friends or supporters. It’s much easy to erase or downgrade the abuse so people tend to make excuse for abusers, then at the same time put pressure on victims to forgive, forget or don’t think anymore. I don’t have much knowledge about men abusive issues, but as you mentioned, i care about humanity so I feel every human deserved to be loved, cared and justice. Let’s break the taboo by sharing more and more to the society.
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