Vulnerability after verbal, emotional and psycholical abuse

01 Monday Jun 2015

Posted by Melinda Jensen in Abuse, Abuse victims, Controlling People, counseling, Emotional abuse, healing from domestic abuse, healing from emotional abuse, help for abuse victims, Narcissistic abuse, Psychological abuse, Psychology

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Abuse, abusive relationships, Counseling, Divorce, Emotional and Psychological Abuse, Emotional and verbal abuse, healing from abuse, love after emotional abuse, Narcissism, psychotherapy, Recovery from abuse, Relationships, therapy, Verbal Abuse, vulnerability after abuse

After my devastating experience with verbal, emotional and psychological abuse, I was absolutely convinced that no human being could ever touch my heart again. I was DONE. Over it. Had better things to do with what remained of my life. Intimacy was suddenly an alien phenomenon for me…me, who, at the age of 54, had always been so relationship-oriented. I found myself utterly repulsed by the mere thought of connecting in an intimate and sexual way with another human being. And yet…one day it happened.

If the video fails to load, please follow this link to my YouTube page:

Vulnerability After Abuse

Disclaimer: This video is based on my phenomenological experience. That is, it is subjective, told from my unique world view and the authentic expression of my feelings. As any decent therapist will assert, feelings are neither right nor wrong, good nor bad. Feelings just are. Negative emotions tell us something needs to be addressed and healed in our lives. They can be examined for rationality and adjusted if found to be unreasonable; and they can be used to change our outer circumstances, should those feelings prove to be trustworthy.

At times during this video, I speak of my very real distress and emotional pain, which also impacted on my neurological condition, as stress invariably does. I have drawn my own conclusions as to its cause. We are each our own experts when it comes to what we feel, how we react and what we need to do to improve our lives.

In brief, the intent of this video is not to point the finger of blame or seek revenge, but rather to enlighten those who are struggling with similar issues and offer a ray of hope. I am ever grateful to each and every human being who has shared part of my life’s journey. Each one, no matter how painful the experience, has been my teacher and I have faith and hope that their own journeys, though we have parted, may continue to expand their horizons. Each is a precious soul with the potential for greatness, and to this day, I believe each and every one of them to be good people at their core, doing their best to learn and grow as life leads.

Help for abuse victims

12 Sunday Apr 2015

Posted by Melinda Jensen in Abuse, Emotional abuse, healing from domestic abuse, healing from emotional abuse, help for abuse victims, Narcissistic abuse, Psychological abuse, Recovery from abuse, Relationship breakdown, Relationships, Uncategorized, Verbal abuse

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Abuse, abusive relationships, Emotional Abuse, Emotional and Psychological Abuse, Emotional and verbal abuse, healing from abuse, help for abuse victims, narcissistic abuse, Psychological Abuse, Recovery from abuse, Relationships

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net/artur84

Abuse victims share a myriad experiences. One of the most insidious is isolation – from friends, family, interest groups, churches and sometimes, even from social media. Nothing is surer than that your abusive partner has alienated you emotionally from himself, the only person left to lean on. Abuse victims who have nowhere to turn for help are at high risk for substance abuse (to dull the pain), severe depression and other mental illnesses – even the ultimate escape – suicide.

Abuse, whether physical, psychological, emotional or verbal, invariably shatters your self-belief. You no longer trust your own thoughts, feelings and perceptions. This completes the feeling of desolation. You believe no one cares, and if they did, what could they do? If you’re reading this and silently asking, ‘Is there help for abuse victims? Is there help for me?‘ – I want to assure you, you are not alone. There are people who care deeply.

ABUSE RECOVERY PROGRAMS:

The internet is awash with information, support and resources from fellow sufferers, as well as from experts in the field. I’ve mentioned Melanie Tonia Evans’ abuse recovery program in previous posts and it remains, in my mind, one of the most powerful resources for healing from narcissistic abuse. The author has personally experienced abuse at the hands of ex partners and is now, as a therapist herself, a recognized expert in the field. She examines the dynamics of abuse from a holistic perspective, looking at every aspect of your being; physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. The added spiritual dimension sets her work apart and is the reason I latched onto her website like a life-raft. Her program takes considerable emotional work, and may cause you some pain, but it’s the path to freedom. You can find her Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program here.

Melanie maintains that abusers share narcissistic traits, although not all have full-blown narcissistic personality disorder, an opinion shared by other notable experts like Patricia Evans (not related to Melanie ), and by many who blog bout their personal experience of abuse.

READING MATERIAL:

I’m not an Amazon affiliate so gain no remuneration from promoting Patricia’s work; but in all conscience, I need to commend her books to you. Some are available for kindle for very little cost. She explains the dynamics at play in the minds and backgrounds of verbal abusers so profoundly that I believe her teachings offer you the greatest hope for understanding what has happened and why. You will finally stop blaming yourself. I recommend starting with ‘The Verbally Abusive Relationship‘, ‘The Verbally Abusive Man,’ and ‘Controlling People’. If you purchase these books and find them helpful, I’d appreciate your feedback. Contact me here.

HELP WITHIN THE BLOG COMMUNITY:

I have formed strong ties with fellow bloggers who write about abuse and I urge you to visit their writings. Absorb what is there. Feel – perhaps for the first time – that you’re not alone. You have sisters and brothers all over the world, united by a common bond.

I owe a debt of gratitude to the writers of the following blogs, all precious souls:

PROFESSIONAL THERAPY:

Never be too shy to approach a qualified counselor. These trained therapists are there to validate your experience, listen to your story, help you develop strengths that rebuild your sense of self, and assist in your recovery. There is also guidance should you decide to leave your abuser and rebuild the optimistic future you so richly deserve. A future filled with love and light.

For a word of caution on traditional couples’ counseling however, please visit my post, ‘Why Couples’ Counseling Doesn’t Work.’

Not long ago, I contemplated my future and longed for death. Today, I long for morning to come so that I might seize the day… again…and again. I’ve been where you are, and I am an ordinary human being. Nothing special. That means you too, have hope for an exuberant future. You are NOT alone.

If you have any questions or feedback, or are confused about what to do next, please contact me here: