• About
  • Contact me

Killing Me Softly: Emotional & Psychological Abuse

~ Now that physical abuse is in the limelight and punishable by law, abusers have resorted to more insidious forms of control. The effects are just as destructive, more enduring, and more difficult to overcome.

Tag Archives: Relationships

Unleash the Flying Monkeys!

07 Monday Mar 2016

Posted by Melinda Jensen in Abuse, Abuse victims, Childhood wounds, Controlling People, counseling, Emotional abuse, healing from domestic abuse, healing from emotional abuse, help for abuse victims, Narcissistic abuse, Psychological abuse, Psychology, Relationships, Uncategorized, Verbal abuse

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Abuse, abusive relationships, Counseling, crazy-making behaviour, Emotional Abuse, Emotional and Psychological Abuse, narcissistic abuse, Psychological Abuse, Psychology, Relationship abuse, Relationships, Verbal Abuse

So what on earth is a flying monkey?

image of flying monkey

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net/

saphatthachat

The term ‘flying monkeys’ is derived from that all-time movie classic, ‘The Wizard of Oz’, in which the wicked witch of the west sends out her nasty little troupe of flying monkeys to inflict torment on Dorothy and her trusty trio.

In popular psychology it is used to describe the people an abuser enlists to back her up, join in with blaming the victim, name-calling, put-downs, the silent treatment and other crazy-making behaviour. Once groomed and recruited, flying monkeys invariably perceive the narcissistic abuser as the innocent party and are outraged at what they believe the real victim has done. They have it ass backwards.

Why it works so well

Narcissists carefully construct a false public image while projecting their real self, with all its ugly traits, onto their chosen target. Because an abuser never attacks in public, people find it extremely difficult to believe she’s anything but the lovely, caring person she pretends to be when she has an audience. Frankly, it’s disturbing to witness how fast she can switch from raging virago to Mrs Happy-Go-Lucky in less than a heartbeat. If you’re unlucky enough to be in a relationship with someone like this, you’ve already seen how fast she can go from sweet to psycho in private. Trust me when I say she is equally able to switch back the other way should a witness come close to walking in on one of her rages.

The narcissist chooses her flying monkeys carefully. She’ll only enlist those she knows will take her side and carry out her bidding, whether she has expressly told them what she wants them to do or whether the process is achieved in more subtle ways. Sadly, the most vulnerable potential monkeys are the abusers own children or other family members and, of course, her best friends. It’s likely they’ll even mimic her behaviour as a matter of course, since she has already portrayed you (consistently) to the be the crazy one, the one at fault, the one who deserves to wear all the guilt and shame. Because they’ve rarely, if ever, been privy to her craziness, they simply accept her version of the truth and go after you with all the self-righteous indignance they can muster, adding a lot of heated fuel to her attack  on you.

As the more responsible parent (or sibling, or child), you have most likely consciously avoided embroiling your children (or siblings or other family members) in your spousal troubles, trying to protect them from the ugly reality that you face on a daily basis. You have been set up like a row of bowling pins. If the first bowler doesn’t knock you out, subsequent bowlers – the flying monkeys – will. The group attack was carefully planned by your abuser.

It’s imperative to trust your own reality – to know who you are, how you operate, and what your values are. An onslaught from your abuser and her hoard of flying monkeys is akin to all-out psychological warfare, and will leave you with all the post-traumatic stress that accompanies battle.

 

 

 

Share this:

  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Tumblr
  • Email

Like this:

Like Loading...

A Reply to Lauren Southern’s “Why I’m Not a Feminist”

30 Thursday Jul 2015

Posted by Melinda Jensen in Abuse, Abuse victims, Divorce, Emotional abuse, Feminism, Feminist debate, Gender equality, Gender inequality, help for abuse victims, Justice system and abuse, Narcissistic abuse, One in Three Men, Psychological abuse, Rape

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Abuse, Communication, Domestic Violence, Emotional and Psychological Abuse, feminism, feminist debate, Gender inequality, Gender issues, One in Three Men campaign, relationship conflict, Relationships

This post by Jenna Christian addresses what many women perceive as an anti-feminist backlash that seems to have broken out in full force just as men’s violence against women was finally taken seriously. While I acknowledge that women can and do perpetrate domestic violence and will always be an advocate for those who are silenced by their abusers, regardless of gender, I also disagree with the underlying assumption of the One in Three Men campaign – ie that males and females are equally responsible for domestic violence against an intimate partner. Jenna Christian’s post is both articulate and backed by research and statistics.

Everyday Geopolitics Houston

Dear Lauren,

In the last couple days, I have seen your video “Why I’m Not a Feminist” pop up a few times. In the video, you describe why you are not a feminist. At the heart of your message is the assertion, “I am not a feminist because I believe both genders should be treated equally.” Setting aside for a moment the problems with your assumption that gender can be reduced to a binary of male/female (here’s a decent introduction to that if you want), I want to talk about the misinformation you offer in your video: misinformation about feminist activism and scholarship, and misinformation about domestic violence and rape. I don’t often find engaging in these types debates online to be the most fruitful use of my energies, since people that produce anti-feminist content generally are not very open to meaningful engagement with feminist thought, however I’ve been stewing over your…

View original post 4,409 more words

Share this:

  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Tumblr
  • Email

Like this:

Like Loading...

An abuser hides his true ‘self’.

04 Saturday Jul 2015

Posted by Melinda Jensen in Abuse, Controlling People, Counselling, Emotional abuse, help for abuse victims, Narcissistic abuse, Personal growth, Psychological abuse, Psychology, Psychopathology, Recovery from abuse, Relationship abuse, Relationships, Verbal abuse

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

Counseling, Domestic Violence, narcissistic abuse, Psychological Abuse, Psychopathology, Recovery from abuse, Relationship abuse, Relationship Counseling, Relationship Problems, Relationships, Verbal Abuse

Disclaimer: I have used the masculine gender to describe an abuser in the title of this post for ease of writing. Throughout this post I have referred to both sexes by using the plural personal pronouns, ‘they’ ‘them’ or ‘their’ in recognition of the reality that women are also capable of abusing their loved ones.

One of the most common questions I hear is, ‘How can someone hide an abusive personality?

An abuser's mask

“-1360 Schreiberfigur anagoria” by Anagoria – Own work. Licensed under CC BY 3.0 via Wikimedia Commons.personality?’ In other words, how do we not see it coming? If these people are truly as ugly and cruel as we describe, why wasn’t that obvious from the beginning?

The truth is, abusers are highly skilled at hiding their pathological personalities. If they weren’t, they’d never secure employment, gain friends or even negotiate the grocery store without risking a punch up. Normal people would never put up with an abuser’s ‘real self’.

Psychologists use the terms ‘real self’ and ‘ideal self’ when discussing the development of personality. The real self is easy to understand – it is comprised of our actual, manifest personality traits as well as all the aspects that make up our character. The ideal self is that to which we aspire. It’s our inner concept of who we really want to be; what we want to become as we mature. If the real self is too far removed from the ideal self, we experience discomfort within our psyches. We become disappointed in who we are, and how we behave towards others and the environment. If the gap between the real self and the ideal self is too wide, it can result in significant psychopathology.

Most of us are aware when we’re not being honest with ourselves, and subsequently take action to address the imbalance. For those with high levels of narcissistic traits however, the ego is too fragile to accept the disappointing image in the mirror, so they turn away from it in order to create a false self to present to the world. In turning away from their inner reality, they deny its’ existence. In brief, they detest what they see; don’t have the courage to face and overcome it; and so construct a false self that is not only different from their real self, but also extreme in its virtue, cleverness, and sense of importance. They overcompensate for self-hate by constructing this superior facade. The mask they wear is painted with virtues like understanding, compassion, intelligence, responsibility, reliability, humour, kindness and worldly achievements. They often (though not always) walk among us as the pillars of society and our most socially responsible high achievers. Frequently, they are known as generous, benevolent souls outside their intimate circle.

When we meet them, they come highly recommended. Their bosses, coworkers and friends sing their praises. What we don’t know is that they are mentally scanning the room for their latest target, desperate for a source of narcissistic supply. After all, they can’t feel good about themselves until they can make someone else look and feel bad. That someone needs to be empathetic, compassionate, responsible and reliable – all the traits the abuser lacks. Abusers resent their victims, who are everything the abuser wants to be. That resentment quickly escalates to intense hatred.

Man flirting with woman

Image courtesy of photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

In the beginning, however, to hook the perfect target abusers need to be extremely careful not to let their masks slip. With an uncanny ‘nose’ for sniffing out potential sources of narcissistic supply, they can smell vulnerability the way a bloodhound tracks a scent. Through years of practice, they’ve become experts at discovering what makes you tick, what your hopes and dreams are, what you love and what you hate – the essence of who you are. They then have all the ammunition they need to hunt you down.

Where would you most like to travel to?’ ‘Really, the Netherlands? I can’t believe it – the Netherlands is next on my bucket list!

In this respect, abusers are chameleons. If you’re the unwitting victim, all you know is that suddenly you have met the one person in the world who understands you completely, who shares your hopes and dreams, and is aligned with your values. You can’t know that this person who is pursuing you so ardently is simply pretending to mirror your innermost thoughts, support your passions, love the same things you do and envision exactly the same ‘perfect’ future together. We don’t know we’ve been studied for a specific purpose and that our beloved is an expert at what he does. Dr Jekyll doesn’t have to think about becoming Mr Hyde. It happens as naturally as breathing.

During the wooing phase you’ll be ‘love-bombed’. That is, you’ll be pursued so passionately that before you know it, you’re addicted to this ‘love’. This phase is achieved by using the basic psychological principles of conditioning. You are relentlessly ‘rewarded’ at a rate that is not ‘normal’ in a normal population; and this creates an addictive emotional response within you. I will explain this process further in a subsequent post. For now, suffice to say that, once you’re successfully ‘addicted’ to abusers, then…and only then…will they drop their guard and reveal their real selves.

And you are in deep, deep water.

For an excellent and in-depth explanation of the complicated dynamics of abusive relationships, I highly recommend three books by Patrica Evans. I keep these books on my kindle and refer to them regularly. They have been extremely instrumental in my understanding and overcoming the effects of abuse. The book by Lundy Bancroft is often quoted as an extremely useful resource on numerous blogs on the topic of abuse. Click the images to take you to the Amazon store.

Share this:

  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Tumblr
  • Email

Like this:

Like Loading...

Vulnerability after verbal, emotional and psycholical abuse

01 Monday Jun 2015

Posted by Melinda Jensen in Abuse, Abuse victims, Controlling People, counseling, Emotional abuse, healing from domestic abuse, healing from emotional abuse, help for abuse victims, Narcissistic abuse, Psychological abuse, Psychology

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Abuse, abusive relationships, Counseling, Divorce, Emotional and Psychological Abuse, Emotional and verbal abuse, healing from abuse, love after emotional abuse, Narcissism, psychotherapy, Recovery from abuse, Relationships, therapy, Verbal Abuse, vulnerability after abuse

After my devastating experience with verbal, emotional and psychological abuse, I was absolutely convinced that no human being could ever touch my heart again. I was DONE. Over it. Had better things to do with what remained of my life. Intimacy was suddenly an alien phenomenon for me…me, who, at the age of 54, had always been so relationship-oriented. I found myself utterly repulsed by the mere thought of connecting in an intimate and sexual way with another human being. And yet…one day it happened.

If the video fails to load, please follow this link to my YouTube page:

Vulnerability After Abuse

Disclaimer:   This video is based on my phenomenological experience. That is, it is subjective, told from my unique world view and the authentic expression of my feelings. As any decent therapist will assert, feelings are neither right nor wrong, good nor bad. Feelings just are. Negative emotions tell us something needs to be addressed and healed in our lives. They can be examined for rationality and adjusted if found to be unreasonable; and they can be used to change our outer circumstances, should those feelings prove to be trustworthy.

At times during this video, I speak of my very real distress and emotional pain, which also impacted on my neurological condition, as stress invariably does. I have drawn my own conclusions as to its cause. We are each our own experts when it comes to what we feel, how we react and what we need to do to improve our lives.

In brief, the intent of this video is not to point the finger of blame or seek revenge, but rather to enlighten those who are struggling with similar issues and offer a ray of hope. I am ever grateful to each and every human being who has shared part of my life’s journey. Each one, no matter how painful the experience, has been my teacher and I have faith and hope that their own journeys, though we have parted, may continue to expand their horizons. Each is a precious soul with the potential for greatness, and to this day, I believe each and every one of them to be good people at their core, doing their best to learn and grow as life leads.

D

Share this:

  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Tumblr
  • Email

Like this:

Like Loading...

Help for abuse victims

12 Sunday Apr 2015

Posted by Melinda Jensen in Abuse, Emotional abuse, healing from domestic abuse, healing from emotional abuse, help for abuse victims, Narcissistic abuse, Psychological abuse, Recovery from abuse, Relationship breakdown, Relationships, Uncategorized, Verbal abuse

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

Abuse, abusive relationships, Emotional Abuse, Emotional and Psychological Abuse, Emotional and verbal abuse, healing from abuse, help for abuse victims, narcissistic abuse, Psychological Abuse, Recovery from abuse, Relationships

Depressed and stressed woman

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net/artur84

Abuse victims share a myriad experiences. One of the most insidious is isolation – from friends, family, interest groups, churches and sometimes, even from social media. Nothing is surer than that your abusive partner has alienated you emotionally from himself, the only person left to lean on. Abuse victims who have nowhere to turn for help are at high risk for substance abuse (to dull the pain), severe depression and other mental illnesses – even the ultimate escape – suicide.

Abuse, whether physical, psychological, emotional or verbal, invariably shatters your self-belief. You no longer trust your own thoughts, feelings and perceptions. This completes the feeling of desolation. You believe no one cares, and if they did, what could they do? If you’re reading this and silently asking, ‘Is there help for abuse victims? Is there help for me?‘ – I want to assure you, you are not alone. There are people who care deeply.

 

ABUSE RECOVERY PROGRAMS:

Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program by Melanie Tonia Evans

The internet is awash with information, support and resources from fellow sufferers, as well as from experts in the field. I’ve mentioned Melanie Tonia Evans’ abuse recovery program in previous posts and it remains, in my mind, one of the most powerful resources for healing from narcissistic abuse. The author has personally experienced abuse at the hands of ex partners and is now, as a therapist herself, a recognized expert in the field. She examines the dynamics of abuse from a holistic perspective, looking at every aspect of your being; physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. The added spiritual dimension sets her work apart  and is the reason I latched onto her website like a life-raft. Her program takes considerable emotional work, and may cause you some pain, but it’s the path to freedom. You can find her Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program here.

Melanie maintains that abusers share narcissistic traits, although not all have full-blown narcissistic personality disorder, an opinion shared by other notable experts like Patricia Evans (not related to Melanie ), and by many who blog bout their personal experience of abuse.

 

READING MATERIAL:

I’m not an Amazon affiliate so gain no remuneration from promoting Patricia’s work; Product Detailsbut in all conscience, I need to commend her books to you. Some are available for kindle for very little cost. She explains the dynamics at play in the minds and backgrounds of verbal abusers so profoundly that I believe her teachings offer you the greatest hope for understanding what has happened and why. You will finally stop blaming yourself. I recommend starting with ‘The Verbally Abusive Relationship‘, ‘The Verbally Abusive Man,’ and ‘Controlling People’. If you purchase these books and find them helpful, I’d appreciate your feedback. Contact me here.

 

HELP WITHIN THE BLOG COMMUNITY:

I have formed strong ties with fellow bloggers who write about abuse  and I urge you to visit their writings. Absorb what is there. Feel – perhaps for the first time – that you’re not alone. You have sisters and brothers all over the world, united by a common bond.

I owe a debt of gratitude to the writers of the following blogs, all precious souls:

  • Avalanche of the soul
  • Healing from Complex Trauma and PTSD/C PTSD
  • Let me Reach with Kim Saeed
  • The Walking Narcissists – The True Living Dead
  • Better Not Broken
  • Battered Wife Seeking Better Life
  • An Upturned Soul
  • Lucky Otter’s Museum of Narcissism
  • Army of Angels
  • CPTSD – A Way Out

 

PROFESSIONAL THERAPY:

Never be too shy to approach a qualified counselor. These trained therapists are there to validate your experience, listen to your story, help you develop strengths that rebuild your sense of self, and assist in your recovery. There is also guidance should you decide to leave your abuser and rebuild the optimistic future you so richly deserve. A future filled with love and light.

For a word of caution on traditional couples’ counseling however, please visit my post, ‘Why Couples’ Counseling Doesn’t Work.’

Not long ago, I contemplated my future and longed for death. Today, I long for morning to come so that I might seize the day… again…and again. I’ve been where you are, and I am an ordinary human being. Nothing special. That means you too, have hope for an exuberant future. You are NOT alone.

 

If you have any questions or feedback, or are confused about what to do next, please contact me here:

Compassion and confidentiality are assured.

Share this:

  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Tumblr
  • Email

Like this:

Like Loading...

Why does it take so long to get over a pathological partner?

20 Monday Oct 2014

Posted by Melinda Jensen in Abuse, Controlling People, Divorce, Emotional abuse, Narcissistic abuse, Psychological abuse, Psychology, Psychopathology, Relationship breakdown, Relationships, Uncategorized, Verbal abuse

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

Abuse, abusive relationships, Divorce, Emotional Abuse, Grief, Narcissism, narcissistic abuse, Psychopathology, Psychopathology in relationships, Relationship breakdown, Relationships, Separation, Verbal Abuse

I’ve been fairly quiet online for a few weeks as I’m in the middle of very stressful legal proceedings. Attempting to sort out property settlement issues with a narcissist is a nightmare beyond your wildest imagination. Lies, manipulation, character assassination – check! Trying to fleece you of your entitlement – check! Blame and false accusations – too easy! I hope we’re now on the home strait so I can devolve myself of this cloying and still destructive relationship. The need to put it behind me is strong; in fact, so strong that I almost caved under the pressure to accept a very unfair settlement figure, just to rid my life (and soul) of the stress and uncertainty. However, that would be playing into his hands one final time – my curtain call as a doormat – and is, most assuredly, exactly what he wants.

I’ll keep you posted. From those of you who pray, I humbly ask for your prayers at this time. I keep many of you in my own prayers also as I read your blogs and contemplate the heartbreaking experiences you’ve been through, or are still going through. So many of you inspire and sustain me.

However, that’s not really what I started out to say today. As the title of this post suggests, it’s about why it takes so long to get over a pathological relationship. For me, it’s been a year since separation and I’m still caught in the web of lies, the vortex of confusion and the revisiting of self-doubt. I came across this excellent article on another site called Psychopath Free and wanted to share it with you all. The writer, who identifies as ‘Peace’ on the site forum, expresses the dynamics at play with clarity and compassion, and I found myself relating far too easily. To know that one is not alone, to experience that validation, is such an intrinsic part of our healing.

The article by ‘Peace’ follows: Continue reading →

Share this:

  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Tumblr
  • Email

Like this:

Like Loading...

Why abusers choose their targets.

03 Wednesday Sep 2014

Posted by Melinda Jensen in Abuse, Childhood wounds, Emotional abuse, Psychological abuse, Psychology, Relationships, Verbal abuse

≈ 17 Comments

Tags

Abuse, crazy-making behaviour, Domestic Violence, dysfunctional relationships, Emotional Abuse, Emotional and Psychological Abuse, Narcissism, Passive Aggression, Psychology, Relationship abuse, Relationship Problems, Relationships, Spiritual Wounds, Spirituality, Verbal Abuse

Please note: I have referred to abusers as male and their targets as female, simply because it has been my subjective experience and I write from my phenomenological perspective. I would like to highlight the fact that abusers and their victims do not fit neatly into gender-based categories. Men are just as easily victims and women are just as easily perpetrators.

 

My ex-abuser asks himself the question of why he was attracted to two nutcases; two sick and twisted women. The first part of my answer is simple. I am, most assuredly, not a nutcase. That’s simply a facet of his delusion.

The second part of my answer is more complicated. Yes, I am a wounded spirit. I have yet to meet a human being, over the age of forty, who doesn’t fit this definition. Life batters us, we get up and keep moving forward; we make a fist of it, and succeed in varying degrees. But we are all wounded.

It’s true I was wounded in a particular way, which abusers seem to zoom in on. They detect victims of childhood abuse with a radar-sense a bent-wing bat would be proud of. But why? And here’s his answer. Because we’re easy targets for further abuse. Let’s read that again…’because we’re easy targets for further abuse.’ Continue reading →

Share this:

  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Tumblr
  • Email

Like this:

Like Loading...

Why Couples’ Counseling Doesn’t Work

23 Wednesday Jul 2014

Posted by Melinda Jensen in Abuse, Emotional abuse, Psychological abuse, Relationships, Verbal abuse

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Abuse, abusive relationships, Conflict Resolution, Couples' Counseling, Emotional and Psychological Abuse, Marriage Counseling, narcissistic abuse, Personal Development, Psychology, Relationship Counseling, Relationship Problems, Relationships, Verbal Abuse

Couple arguing

Courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net/
David Castillo Dominici

This is an important post. Reading it might just save you a lot of time, angst and frankly, money; money spent on well-meaning and often highly-qualified counselors and psychologists.

If you’re lucky, you’ll have managed to convince your abusive significant other to accompany you to couples’ counseling, though his reason for agreeing will invariably be to ‘help you overcome your issues’. He remains spotless, and by agreeing to ‘help’ you, puts himself once again in the saddle as the knight on white charger, all-round-good-guy, long-suffering, well-calibrated member of the spousal unit. And by now, you probably believe him.

So, off you go to your first counseling session, with high expectations of your partner finally understanding the depth of pain and anguish he’s been causing you, and with hopes of reconciling your relationship in a spirit of co-operation, collaboration and mutual love. That, after all, is what couples’ counseling is all about. Continue reading →

Share this:

  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Tumblr
  • Email

Like this:

Like Loading...

The hardest word

12 Saturday Jul 2014

Posted by Melinda Jensen in Uncategorized

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

Abuse, abusive relationships, Assertiveness, Counseling, dysfunctional relationships, Emotional Abuse, mental cruelty, Psychological Abuse, Psychology, Relationships, Step-parenting, Verbal Abuse

 Too afraid to say no.

Too afraid to say ‘no’. Image courtesy of Andy Newson/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

According to Elton John, ‘sorry seems to be the hardest word’. But for some of us, sorry is consummately easy to say and to feel. We’re often not even to blame, yet others seek to lay the blame squarely and unfairly on our shoulders to avoid admitting their own culpability. We’ve been trained to say sorry with the precision of an army drill by people whose methods make a drill sergeant look tame. ‘Sorry’ is easy. ‘No’ is virtually impossible.

Why? Because we’ve also been trained that to say ‘no’ is to have punishment after punishment heaped upon us by those who have chosen us as targets for their abuse. Right from the beginning of my marriage it was made clear that my differences were not to be tolerated, my preferences not to be listened to, and if I attempted to exert my right to have equal input into family decisions or the running of the household, I would be accused of trying to make their lives a misery; of holding standards that were too difficult to attain; and of actively wanting to harm them. The last accusation was a clear case of projection – an abuser will always try to convince you you’re the controller; that you are in fact, the abusive one. Continue reading →

Share this:

  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Tumblr
  • Email

Like this:

Like Loading...

Abuse and Post Traumatic Stress

07 Monday Jul 2014

Posted by Melinda Jensen in Uncategorized

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

Abuse, abusive relationships, Counseling, Emotional Abuse, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychological Abuse, Psychology, PTSD, Relationships, Spiritual Wounds, Spirituality, Verbal Abuse

From FreeDigitalPhotos.net/ Idea Go

From FreeDigitalPhotos.net/
Idea Go

Post Traumatic Stress is far from an unusual experience for those of us who have been through significant and protracted abuse. It seems to matter little whether the abuse was physical, or emotional/psychological, or a mixture of both. Psychic trauma is every bit as devastating as physical trauma, and for those who have experienced both, the effects of the former often outlast and outweigh the effects of the latter. Recovery is laborious when you’ve been at war with a phantom; a poltergeist that wrecked your world while no one else watched. Yet there is scant recognition of this very real phenomenon experienced by targets of verbal and emotional abuse, even among psychologists and counselors with years of experience under their belts.

Let’s take a brief look at Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which can develop following any traumatic event or series of events that threatens your safety or makes you feel helpless. If these events are unpredictable and not under your control, as happens when you live with an abuser, you will also experience the loss of hope. It may take months or years to develop into full-blown PTSD, particularly if the abuse is covert, ie not physical, and escalates over time. (And abuse always get worse over time.) Continue reading →

Share this:

  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Tumblr
  • Email

Like this:

Like Loading...
← Older posts
Newer posts →
Follow Killing Me Softly: Emotional & Psychological Abuse on WordPress.com

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 541 other subscribers

Previous posts

A sample of blogs I Follow

  • A Life Hidden
  • Documenting M.E.
  • Jo so and sew
  • john pavlovitz
  • The Origins of Left Behind Eschatology
  • Button Counter
  • Jessica Kate Writing
  • ChurchWatch Central
  • Matter Of Facts
  • debi riley
  • justajesusfollower.wordpress.com/
  • AFFAIRCARE
  • FOX 4 Kansas City WDAF-TV | News, Weather, Sports
  • Peaceful Single Girl

Blog Stats

  • 50,218 hits

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 541 other subscribers

Follow me on Bloglovin!

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

My pages

  • About
  • Contact me

Blog at WordPress.com.

A Life Hidden

Documenting M.E.

Documenting my journey down the rabbit hole of Myalgic Encephalomyelitis

Jo so and sew

john pavlovitz

Stuff That Needs To Be Said

The Origins of Left Behind Eschatology

by David Malcolm Bennett

Button Counter

Lots of fun. Crazy, quilty, fun...and seam rippers.

Jessica Kate Writing

Romances with sass, wit and grit

ChurchWatch Central

#churchwatchcentral

Matter Of Facts

An idiosyncratic collection of facts (and the occasional opinion)

debi riley

The Creative Zone for Making Art

justajesusfollower.wordpress.com/

AFFAIRCARE

...nouthetic, Christian care after an affair.

FOX 4 Kansas City WDAF-TV | News, Weather, Sports

FOX4KC WDAF-TV

Peaceful Single Girl

Seeking to exalt Christ in the lives and relationships of Christian single women

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
  • Follow Following
    • Killing Me Softly: Emotional & Psychological Abuse
    • Join 163 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Killing Me Softly: Emotional & Psychological Abuse
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...
 

    %d bloggers like this: